Erwin and I are moving by this week, and I am not handling it well. In fact, I feel truly unhappy about the decision. Funny how that is, considering it was my idea. I felt like we needed a little bit bigger place and something simple with more space. I set out on a quest, and found nothing that worked in our price range. My brother Rob, offered his services to help, and he is the one who found us this basement apartment. My mom and I rushed over to scope it out since it was the one place bigger than what we have now and well within our price range.
It seemed bigger then. To both Erwin and me. I didn't realize how sad I would miss having windows with natural sunlight. I felt like the rooms were dark. Erwin had seen the apartment ahead of time with me, and supported the decision. He told me it would all be ok, so we signed a year long contract.
We moved some stuff over, and both Erwin and I left feeling down. I couldn't understand. Why are we feeling this why? Did we make some huge mistake? Is Heavenly Father trying to teach us something? Or, did we do something that is good, and Satan is now tempting us to second guess our decision? Either way, I feel so sad that I am not happy about moving. And I blame myself for it.
I have also come to realize that a lot of my emotions have nothing to do with how much I dislike the new apartment. The more I ponder, the more I am coming to recognize my feelings of deep attachment to this house. My mom grew up here. I grew up here. All I know is love, family, laughter, good food, parties and sleepovers here. This is all Erwin and I know as a married couple. We have been a family in this little place, and come to love it. Moving would mean leaving it all behind. Forever. Letting go of my childhood, my grandma, the memories, and my one secure place with Erwin. I am sad to be leaving and I am not ready to let go.
Erwin has been good about being supportive. He definitely has his opinion, and while apartment hunting, he let me know which ones he was ok with and the ones he was not. He seemed fine with this place, so I'm going to trust that as well as not having anything come up as an obstacle when we signed the contract. But most of all I trust the Lord. I'm looking forward to seeing what He has in store for us. Who knows? We may end up truly loving it. Either way, I know if I choose to be happy and look for the blessings and tender mercies, Erwin and I will be truly blessed.
Here are the pros of the place:
-two bedrooms
-a big bathroom
-an actual kitchen
-a dishwasher
-fireplace
-really, really nice landlords
-nearby to lots of stores and restaurants.
I look forward to these things and know more things will be made known unto me that are good. For now, I am learning to let change be good, trust be sufficient and letting go... a stepping stone.
It seemed bigger then. To both Erwin and me. I didn't realize how sad I would miss having windows with natural sunlight. I felt like the rooms were dark. Erwin had seen the apartment ahead of time with me, and supported the decision. He told me it would all be ok, so we signed a year long contract.
We moved some stuff over, and both Erwin and I left feeling down. I couldn't understand. Why are we feeling this why? Did we make some huge mistake? Is Heavenly Father trying to teach us something? Or, did we do something that is good, and Satan is now tempting us to second guess our decision? Either way, I feel so sad that I am not happy about moving. And I blame myself for it.
I have also come to realize that a lot of my emotions have nothing to do with how much I dislike the new apartment. The more I ponder, the more I am coming to recognize my feelings of deep attachment to this house. My mom grew up here. I grew up here. All I know is love, family, laughter, good food, parties and sleepovers here. This is all Erwin and I know as a married couple. We have been a family in this little place, and come to love it. Moving would mean leaving it all behind. Forever. Letting go of my childhood, my grandma, the memories, and my one secure place with Erwin. I am sad to be leaving and I am not ready to let go.
Erwin has been good about being supportive. He definitely has his opinion, and while apartment hunting, he let me know which ones he was ok with and the ones he was not. He seemed fine with this place, so I'm going to trust that as well as not having anything come up as an obstacle when we signed the contract. But most of all I trust the Lord. I'm looking forward to seeing what He has in store for us. Who knows? We may end up truly loving it. Either way, I know if I choose to be happy and look for the blessings and tender mercies, Erwin and I will be truly blessed.
Here are the pros of the place:
-two bedrooms
-a big bathroom
-an actual kitchen
-a dishwasher
-fireplace
-really, really nice landlords
-nearby to lots of stores and restaurants.
I look forward to these things and know more things will be made known unto me that are good. For now, I am learning to let change be good, trust be sufficient and letting go... a stepping stone.
Comments
i can't wait to see it!