As I drove Nell and Ruben to the airport, somehow the conversation turned to Dr's and I brought up the fact that I need to go see one soon. I went into details about why, and shared with them facts I thought they knew, but didn't. As I briefly told them about my medical issues in the past, I was deep in thought about it later as I got home.
The pain and numbness has come back in my arms. It now affects my sleep and I am not getting much rest.
It all started in 2004 when I was in college. The pain was awful; kind of like someone had punched me up and down my entire arm. It was painful and would pulsate and I would become weak and couldn't lift things. I still remember my dad driving up on weekends to be with me while I went to the hospitals for tests and blood work. It was the beginning of a frustrating journey. It eventually led to all the Dr's testing me for a stroke and MS and having their findings be inconclusive. (though I do remember one Dr giving me steroids in college bc they thought it was MS. I never took them) More tests eventually led to my parents and I being sat down and asked to take an MRI and cat scan to look for a possible brain tumor or signs of anything else that could be causing the issues in my body. There was even a test where they literally took needles and poked me all over my body. It wasn't fun to be going all over searching for answers and trying to understand where my symptoms were coming from.
When I turned in my mission papers, I was nervous I would get called state side bc of my possible issues. But I served in Ecuador and the symptoms almost completely went away. They eventually returned years after I came home. When I was pregnant, my arms would be numb and tingle all the time bc of the water weight I had gained. It left was Wa'a was born, but now it is back, except it feels different this time. Still painful and my arms feel dead and numb a lot. I can't have them bent for more than 2 minutes or it hurts and it creates problems while I try to sleep, eat, or hold the baby. It's annoying, to say the least and I am tired of it. I wish more than anything there were answers. But even a nerve specialist couldn't help me understand much of it. We just know there are problems issues with my nerves.
If you put in all my symptoms in Google, you will see that a good portion of what I feel match up to MS. Ugh. So instead of freaking myself out and convince myself of the awfulness of that disease, I try to avoid the internet. Erwin is really good at putting me in my place when I am bothered or overly worried. So as confusing and frustrating as this trial is, I am hoping that one day I will have answers that can help me feel better. I am hopeful. I know Heavenly Father is aware of me and the tears of pain or frustration that I have, and I know He will bless me.(Let's know get me started on having to be uber careful about Melanoma. I am so worried about that since my last scare!)
But as my sister Meags says when things are difficult or confusing or unknowing: I trust. :)
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