"Ugh. Why is baby being so difficult?" "I probably should have read to him before we left the house." " We need to get out of the house more so he can play outside." "I don't have dinner ready for Erwin. Again..." "The house is messy." "I shouldn't have lost my temper with Wa'a like that." "I am so freaking tired." "I need to be more domestic." "I hate running." "I don't feel like a good mom today." "Am I enough? I don't feel like it..."
All of these thoughts swirled through my head the other day. It was a long day. Wa'a was sick with a cold and especially cranky. And cranky means he is more upset over everything. Which leads to him hitting me, throwing temper tantrums and the constant need to be held. I barely got dressed that day and felt like I was drowning in laundry and dishes while trying to take care of him. No food was ready for Erwin for lunch or dinner. I had gotten so little sleep the night before because I slept sitting up on the couch holding Wa'a for hours. I was so tired. I was irritable. I was sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.
There is a particular song that means a lot to me when it comes to my testimony of tender mercies. And every time I hear it, I think of the night Wa'a was born. I was on the table getting ready for my C-section and I was scared and alone and feeling awful. Then this song came on, right when I said a prayer and truly needed to know that the Lord was with me. I had read a few days before that this song is actually singing about God. (Not a guy/boyfriend like so many think.) So I shed a few tears while laying on that table and having a calmness come over me, knowing that Heavenly Father was making me aware that He was with me in that moment.
As I got into the car to run an errand on my long day, this song just happened to be on the radio. It isn't played that often anymore, so I was surprised to hear it. I smiled; thought of that special moment back in August and thought to myself "That was a nice way to feel my Father's love." I felt a little tug on my heart... like the spirit had more to say to me than just have me think back on a memory. But I didn't listen very well as baby was screaming in the back of the car.
Then the day went on, and it seemed to only get worse with my thoughts of inadequacy and tiredness and feeling more lost than usual. I couldn't wait for Erwin to get home, but that meant stressing about dinner, getting out for a walk, more errands we needed to run as a family and dealing with Wa'a and his mood.
The time had come for me to pick Erwin up from work. I loaded up the baby and off we went with my dismal mood and low spirits. I started to feel Satan attacking again as emotions flooded me as I was driving. "I need to be a better mom." "I need more understanding and patience." "I'm a bad mom for being in a bad mood today." "I need dinner for Erwin." "Why can I be better at that?" "Why can't I be better at EVERYTHING?"
Then it happened. The same special song, came on AGAIN and this time, baby was asleep and the spirit spoke to my heart loudly and clearly. "Hello Sarah. Can't you see? I've been trying to talk to you and give a message! The Lord knows you and LOVES you. You are not alone. You are enough. You are doing so well, don't lose hope. You are a great mom and wife, and daughter of Heavenly Father. Chin up. We all have these days, but you can't have these days without remembering your work is divine and appreciated and important. Keep going. He loves you."
I wept the entire drive to Erwin's work. It was as if my burdens were lifted. The message was as clear as day. I felt the spirit and heard every word it spoke to me. In my every day ordinary life, the Lord made sure to let me know that He loved me, and I was doing just fine. Another tender mercy in the form of music and the companionship of the Holy Ghost. So.gosh.darn.amazing.
Erwin had been waiting for me at a grocery store around the corner from his office. He walked towards me grinning with a bouquet of flowers. He said: "For you. Because you've had a hard day with our son being so difficult, and I love you for your efforts. You're doing great." Yup...I burst into tears again and thanked him as well as my Heavenly Father for another tender mercy that my husband tried to lift my spirits.
I am grateful for tender mercies. I am grateful that the moments that seem sometimes insignificant or unimportant, are the moments that the Lord reminds you that the Savior feels what we are feeling. And that no matter the burden--light or heavy, it is important to Him too, because WE are important to Him and He loves us. He took the time to let me, an ordinary mommy and wife, know that my work here on this earth is not so ordinary and that He loved me. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My tender song. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nwdjQmc_N8
All of these thoughts swirled through my head the other day. It was a long day. Wa'a was sick with a cold and especially cranky. And cranky means he is more upset over everything. Which leads to him hitting me, throwing temper tantrums and the constant need to be held. I barely got dressed that day and felt like I was drowning in laundry and dishes while trying to take care of him. No food was ready for Erwin for lunch or dinner. I had gotten so little sleep the night before because I slept sitting up on the couch holding Wa'a for hours. I was so tired. I was irritable. I was sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.
There is a particular song that means a lot to me when it comes to my testimony of tender mercies. And every time I hear it, I think of the night Wa'a was born. I was on the table getting ready for my C-section and I was scared and alone and feeling awful. Then this song came on, right when I said a prayer and truly needed to know that the Lord was with me. I had read a few days before that this song is actually singing about God. (Not a guy/boyfriend like so many think.) So I shed a few tears while laying on that table and having a calmness come over me, knowing that Heavenly Father was making me aware that He was with me in that moment.
As I got into the car to run an errand on my long day, this song just happened to be on the radio. It isn't played that often anymore, so I was surprised to hear it. I smiled; thought of that special moment back in August and thought to myself "That was a nice way to feel my Father's love." I felt a little tug on my heart... like the spirit had more to say to me than just have me think back on a memory. But I didn't listen very well as baby was screaming in the back of the car.
Then the day went on, and it seemed to only get worse with my thoughts of inadequacy and tiredness and feeling more lost than usual. I couldn't wait for Erwin to get home, but that meant stressing about dinner, getting out for a walk, more errands we needed to run as a family and dealing with Wa'a and his mood.
The time had come for me to pick Erwin up from work. I loaded up the baby and off we went with my dismal mood and low spirits. I started to feel Satan attacking again as emotions flooded me as I was driving. "I need to be a better mom." "I need more understanding and patience." "I'm a bad mom for being in a bad mood today." "I need dinner for Erwin." "Why can I be better at that?" "Why can't I be better at EVERYTHING?"
Then it happened. The same special song, came on AGAIN and this time, baby was asleep and the spirit spoke to my heart loudly and clearly. "Hello Sarah. Can't you see? I've been trying to talk to you and give a message! The Lord knows you and LOVES you. You are not alone. You are enough. You are doing so well, don't lose hope. You are a great mom and wife, and daughter of Heavenly Father. Chin up. We all have these days, but you can't have these days without remembering your work is divine and appreciated and important. Keep going. He loves you."
I wept the entire drive to Erwin's work. It was as if my burdens were lifted. The message was as clear as day. I felt the spirit and heard every word it spoke to me. In my every day ordinary life, the Lord made sure to let me know that He loved me, and I was doing just fine. Another tender mercy in the form of music and the companionship of the Holy Ghost. So.gosh.darn.amazing.
Erwin had been waiting for me at a grocery store around the corner from his office. He walked towards me grinning with a bouquet of flowers. He said: "For you. Because you've had a hard day with our son being so difficult, and I love you for your efforts. You're doing great." Yup...I burst into tears again and thanked him as well as my Heavenly Father for another tender mercy that my husband tried to lift my spirits.
I am grateful for tender mercies. I am grateful that the moments that seem sometimes insignificant or unimportant, are the moments that the Lord reminds you that the Savior feels what we are feeling. And that no matter the burden--light or heavy, it is important to Him too, because WE are important to Him and He loves us. He took the time to let me, an ordinary mommy and wife, know that my work here on this earth is not so ordinary and that He loved me. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My tender song. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nwdjQmc_N8
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