Erwin and baby and I went out to eat dinner a few weeks ago. While we were chatting over our delicious steaks and cinnamon squash, I got a text message from my mom letting me know that my cousin's little girl had a drowning accident at their home during a swim party with neighbors. They were able to get her heart beating again right before the helicopter took her away to the hospital, but no one knew if she was going to survive. As I read the words on my phone, my heart sunk and suddenly my steak didn't taste so good anymore.
Abby was her name. And she did end up passing away the next day on a Sunday evening. She was few months over a year old. After an incredible fight and much progress, it still wasn't enough and Heavenly Father called her back home.
I wept bitter tears that night. I had just seen Abby the Sunday before at a wedding shower. She was so cute and had such a fun smile. I ached for my cousin Christine and her husband Jesse. How awful. How sad. Their family will never be the same. I felt so distraught. But now it took a whole new meaning to me. I am now a mother. I have a child who is near Abby's age. The pain and sorrow was now felt in an entirely different way than ever before, and I ached for the parents. I could not imagine losing my son and having to face this trial.
I am not unfamiliar with death. I've had all of my grandparents pass away and I've attended funerals before. But I have never had to deal with the death of a child. I had a friend whose baby passed away at a young age of 3 months from SIDS. That was devastating to hear. At that current time I was not in close contact with this friend, nor had ever met her baby. But I still couldn't imagine the pain she went through. But now this was happening in my own family. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it, and my heart went through countless emotions.
I feel that death is almost always a guaranteed way to have someone re examine their relationship with God, their testimony, and faith of the plan of salvation. For some, it brings peace and certainty of the Savior's love--knowing that all is well and/or meant to be. But it also bring the most faithful to their knees, begging the Lord for answers and feeling devastated and even angry at times.
As I searched for peace in my own heart, it came to me during Abby's funeral. And I am so glad it did. After seeing her precious little body in the tiny coffin, I couldn't seem to have the tears stop. I was searching for the spirit and comfort of my Savior. Hearing her her parents both speak and bear their testimonies was comforting and amazing to hear.
But what really hit my heart and allowed the spirit to speak to me, were during two different songs that were sung at the funeral. First, we all sang as a congregation, Love is Spoken Here. We even sang it in parts, men singing the second verse and women the first. It was amazing. In that moment, I knew that the Savior loved Jesse and Christine. I knew He loved Abby. I knew He loved me. And I knew He loved Wa'akea. It was made clear to me, that if my precious son were to leave this earth early, I would know exactly where he would be, and that is with my Lord and Savior. Right where Abby is. It was spoken to me by the spirit that the Lord truly does gather His little ones and loves them.
The second song we sang to conclude the funeral was: Come, Come Ye Saints. There is one verse that had me imagining Abby and all the other small children singing with other angels: "And should we die, before our journeys through, all is well, all is well."
I wept once more. Everything becomes right with the Lord. With death, there can be sadness, sorrow, anger, pain, frustration. But with the Atonement, the Savior will heal those wounds and fill in our broken hearts with His love. And thank goodness He does, or I don't know how I could overcome death.
I am so grateful for eternal families and that we will all be together again someday. I'm grateful Jesse and Christine will see their beautiful Abigail in all her glory, and truly know that all was well with her.
Abby was her name. And she did end up passing away the next day on a Sunday evening. She was few months over a year old. After an incredible fight and much progress, it still wasn't enough and Heavenly Father called her back home.
I wept bitter tears that night. I had just seen Abby the Sunday before at a wedding shower. She was so cute and had such a fun smile. I ached for my cousin Christine and her husband Jesse. How awful. How sad. Their family will never be the same. I felt so distraught. But now it took a whole new meaning to me. I am now a mother. I have a child who is near Abby's age. The pain and sorrow was now felt in an entirely different way than ever before, and I ached for the parents. I could not imagine losing my son and having to face this trial.
I am not unfamiliar with death. I've had all of my grandparents pass away and I've attended funerals before. But I have never had to deal with the death of a child. I had a friend whose baby passed away at a young age of 3 months from SIDS. That was devastating to hear. At that current time I was not in close contact with this friend, nor had ever met her baby. But I still couldn't imagine the pain she went through. But now this was happening in my own family. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it, and my heart went through countless emotions.
I feel that death is almost always a guaranteed way to have someone re examine their relationship with God, their testimony, and faith of the plan of salvation. For some, it brings peace and certainty of the Savior's love--knowing that all is well and/or meant to be. But it also bring the most faithful to their knees, begging the Lord for answers and feeling devastated and even angry at times.
As I searched for peace in my own heart, it came to me during Abby's funeral. And I am so glad it did. After seeing her precious little body in the tiny coffin, I couldn't seem to have the tears stop. I was searching for the spirit and comfort of my Savior. Hearing her her parents both speak and bear their testimonies was comforting and amazing to hear.
But what really hit my heart and allowed the spirit to speak to me, were during two different songs that were sung at the funeral. First, we all sang as a congregation, Love is Spoken Here. We even sang it in parts, men singing the second verse and women the first. It was amazing. In that moment, I knew that the Savior loved Jesse and Christine. I knew He loved Abby. I knew He loved me. And I knew He loved Wa'akea. It was made clear to me, that if my precious son were to leave this earth early, I would know exactly where he would be, and that is with my Lord and Savior. Right where Abby is. It was spoken to me by the spirit that the Lord truly does gather His little ones and loves them.
The second song we sang to conclude the funeral was: Come, Come Ye Saints. There is one verse that had me imagining Abby and all the other small children singing with other angels: "And should we die, before our journeys through, all is well, all is well."
I wept once more. Everything becomes right with the Lord. With death, there can be sadness, sorrow, anger, pain, frustration. But with the Atonement, the Savior will heal those wounds and fill in our broken hearts with His love. And thank goodness He does, or I don't know how I could overcome death.
I am so grateful for eternal families and that we will all be together again someday. I'm grateful Jesse and Christine will see their beautiful Abigail in all her glory, and truly know that all was well with her.
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