I laugh as I read what I titled this. Erwin and I say the accident never would have happened if I didn't have compassion for my parents' dog, Lola. We were house sitting her, and I decided to take her home a day early, the same night my parents landed from their trip, all because I felt bad that she wasn't in her own home and wouldn't get her nightly walk with me. Sigh.
So off we went as a family, to return her to my parents home, so she could be more comfortable and be back in her own doggy bed. Sheesh. That darn dog, and darn my bleeding heart.
Sometimes I think about the little things. Like...if only we hadn't stayed as long at the house when we dropped her off. Or, if I had only taken a different route to the free way. None of this would have happened. Or so I like to think.
It was at a four way intersection. Only about 3 minutes from my parents home. We were headed up the hill to head to the I-215 and had a solid green light for us to go straight through.
And what seems to be for no good reason at all, a car coming toward us decided to turn left. Literally right in front of our car moving at 35 miles per hour.
In that moment, I could hear Erwin say "Honey, honey, honey! Watch out!" I knew I had to think fast. If I slammed on my breaks, I would have t-boned the other driver. If I veered left, I would have gone into oncoming traffic. So I hurried and swayed to the right, hoping to turn just enough to become parallel with the sidewalk. But there wasn't time and I was too close to the sidewalk and going just fast enough that that wasn't possible.
We smashed into a small cement wall that was holding a huge metal lamp post. The air bag flew up into my face and I felt the seat belt slam against my body as it did its best to keep me from flying forward. I somehow did not pass out or lose consciousness.
Every started screaming. I could hear the kids and looked back at Wa'a who looked scared and in pain. I unbuckled my seat belt and opened my door. I looked down at my leg and realized that it was shaped funny, and in that moment I knew that I had broken my leg.
Somehow, with the help of by standers I made it to the sidewalk and sat on that same small wall that I crashed in to. As I sat in front of my totaled car, I saw Erwin holding both my kids and being ushered to sit around the corner from me so the kids wouldn't see me and the condition I was in.
I was in shock. But also so much pain. I couldn't cry, but I started to hyperventilate and screamed while holding my leg. It felt like a dream as people rushed to my aide and called 911. Everyone was so kind, and really came to comfort me and my family. I'm pretty sure even the older gentlemen who caused this whole mess, came up to me and told me he was calling 911. I didn't feel anything while looking at him. But I knew later I would remember his face and probably be angry.
I couldn't help but yell out for my kids. "Are my kids okay?! Please, are they okay?!" I asked that question I think 5 or 6 times, even though everyone around me told me they were just fine and with Erwin. I was so scared for them and Erwin and wasn't sure what to think.
Before I knew it, the cops and paramedics showed up to my aide. They had all helpful bystanders leave me, except for one woman who sat with me and help me upright, all while clasping my hands. She looked like Rebel Wilson, the actress. And she was so nice.
A paramedic told me to stop breathing so hard and to take deep breathes so I could calm down. He compared it to labor breathing. I knew I had to get a grip, so I did the best I could, all while still being frantic on the inside.
They hooked me up to morphine for the pain and somehow got my on an ambulance bed. I was frustrated that I couldn't really see or even talk to Erwin before they rushed me off to the ER, so I yelled out to him that I would talk to him soon. I could see him holding the kids on the curb. Wa'a's face will forever be locked in my brain. He looked terrified and had no idea why all lights and sounds were so bright and loud, let alone hearing his mommy scream in pain. Erwin was doing his best to have them watch a movie on his phone to calm them down. That is when I started to cry.
I asked them for my purse. I dug out my phone and called my sister. I sobbed while telling her what had occurred and asked her to call my parents the second they landed at the airport and to tell them what happened. She started to cry and told me not to worry.
We went to St. Marks hospital. When we arrived it looked dark and someone said something about the power being out. But soon enough I was in the ER and bright lights came and nurses surrounded me. Both my nurses were men. And one was gay. He could see and hear my distress, and told me with a smile that at least I was alive. And I knew he was right.
They cut off all my clothes and a Dr came and asked me a bunch of questions and did an exam. A neck brace was put on, and they wheeled me back to do x-rays and ct scans. It's a good thing I've had a ct scan before and know what it feels like when they inject dye into your bloodstream, because it makes you feel like you are reeeeeally warm down in your private area and that you just wet your pants.
As I was being taken back to my room, I saw my mom standing outside the door. "Hey you." she said. I was so grateful to see her and knew my dad and Erwin had to be near by. Nothing feels better than having family come to be with you in your time of need.
I waited with my parents and eventually Erwin showed up. The Rivas family had been called and drove far to come to our rescue. They immediately sprang into action and took complete control, which offered total comfort and peace of mind. They took the kids to Wal Mart to get them clothes, bottles, pajamas, food, car seats and then a lot of things for me, such as a shower chair and cast protector. They were angels that showed up in a white van, who didn't think for second of themselves the entire night.
My mom went to pick up the kids so they could spend a few nights with them, and Erwin and my dad stayed with me while I sat on my bed in hallway. (ER was busy that night) Erwin had quite a bit of blood on his face that was leaking from a gash right by his eye. Because he wasn't a patient, the nurses wouldn't do anything for him, but my ER Dr took compassion and cleaned Erwin up and put on a few butterfly stitches. I'm so grateful he did, since Erwin's scar will be much smaller now.
We found out that my leg had been broken into 2 places. It was a clean break, right through the tibia and fibula on the lower part of my leg. I needed surgery to repair the damage. That broke my heart to hear. It all still felt like a dream.
I remember looking at Erwin with huge tears in my eyes and whispering "I'm so sorry". He refused to let me say that by telling me that it wasn't my fault and I did the best I could to protect everyone. I still felt awful. What is there was more that I could have done? Why did this happen? My poor family.
As surreal and upsetting as the night was, I was overcome with gratitude that filled up my heart.
1. My kids were buckled, and they were buckled well. The harnesses were right were they needed to be, and they weren't out of their car seats for any reason.
2. Clara was rear facing. I feel SO strongly about this. I do NOT put my kids forward facing in the car until they are age 2 or older. It is much, much safer, and that night, the Dr told me that if Clara has been forward facing she might have suffered from severe whip lash or hurt her spine, even if buckled in well, because of her age, size and body.
3. Erwin was NOT buckled, but he was safe. Had he been sitting up front with me and not buckled, he would have gone through the windshield. But instead, he was sitting directly behind me and his body slammed into my seat, which actually helped him not go flying. Obviously a seat belt is the safest choice, but despite that, he was safe.
My family is safe. That is ALL that matters. I am overcome with emotion thinking about how easy it could have been to lose one of them, and how deeply grateful I am that the Lord truly had angels protecting us that night.
Yes, I broke my leg. And yes, it sucks and is one of the most difficult and trying thing I have ever been through in my entire life. But God is so good. God loves me. He loves my family. He is teaching me and preparing me to be better and ready to serve. He is walking along side me and the Atonement has never been more real to me. I am so grateful that the Savior knows what I am feeling--physical and emotionally, and that He will let me cry and come unto Him for hope and patience. He offers me peace, even when I am sinking into darkness.
Thank you to all who have prayed for us, served us, brought us meals, sent cards or flowers, reached out via cell or email, and for all who have loved us so much. We couldn't have gotten through the first few weeks without you all, and my heart if full.
So off we went as a family, to return her to my parents home, so she could be more comfortable and be back in her own doggy bed. Sheesh. That darn dog, and darn my bleeding heart.
Sometimes I think about the little things. Like...if only we hadn't stayed as long at the house when we dropped her off. Or, if I had only taken a different route to the free way. None of this would have happened. Or so I like to think.
It was at a four way intersection. Only about 3 minutes from my parents home. We were headed up the hill to head to the I-215 and had a solid green light for us to go straight through.
And what seems to be for no good reason at all, a car coming toward us decided to turn left. Literally right in front of our car moving at 35 miles per hour.
In that moment, I could hear Erwin say "Honey, honey, honey! Watch out!" I knew I had to think fast. If I slammed on my breaks, I would have t-boned the other driver. If I veered left, I would have gone into oncoming traffic. So I hurried and swayed to the right, hoping to turn just enough to become parallel with the sidewalk. But there wasn't time and I was too close to the sidewalk and going just fast enough that that wasn't possible.
We smashed into a small cement wall that was holding a huge metal lamp post. The air bag flew up into my face and I felt the seat belt slam against my body as it did its best to keep me from flying forward. I somehow did not pass out or lose consciousness.
Every started screaming. I could hear the kids and looked back at Wa'a who looked scared and in pain. I unbuckled my seat belt and opened my door. I looked down at my leg and realized that it was shaped funny, and in that moment I knew that I had broken my leg.
Somehow, with the help of by standers I made it to the sidewalk and sat on that same small wall that I crashed in to. As I sat in front of my totaled car, I saw Erwin holding both my kids and being ushered to sit around the corner from me so the kids wouldn't see me and the condition I was in.
I was in shock. But also so much pain. I couldn't cry, but I started to hyperventilate and screamed while holding my leg. It felt like a dream as people rushed to my aide and called 911. Everyone was so kind, and really came to comfort me and my family. I'm pretty sure even the older gentlemen who caused this whole mess, came up to me and told me he was calling 911. I didn't feel anything while looking at him. But I knew later I would remember his face and probably be angry.
I couldn't help but yell out for my kids. "Are my kids okay?! Please, are they okay?!" I asked that question I think 5 or 6 times, even though everyone around me told me they were just fine and with Erwin. I was so scared for them and Erwin and wasn't sure what to think.
Before I knew it, the cops and paramedics showed up to my aide. They had all helpful bystanders leave me, except for one woman who sat with me and help me upright, all while clasping my hands. She looked like Rebel Wilson, the actress. And she was so nice.
A paramedic told me to stop breathing so hard and to take deep breathes so I could calm down. He compared it to labor breathing. I knew I had to get a grip, so I did the best I could, all while still being frantic on the inside.
They hooked me up to morphine for the pain and somehow got my on an ambulance bed. I was frustrated that I couldn't really see or even talk to Erwin before they rushed me off to the ER, so I yelled out to him that I would talk to him soon. I could see him holding the kids on the curb. Wa'a's face will forever be locked in my brain. He looked terrified and had no idea why all lights and sounds were so bright and loud, let alone hearing his mommy scream in pain. Erwin was doing his best to have them watch a movie on his phone to calm them down. That is when I started to cry.
I asked them for my purse. I dug out my phone and called my sister. I sobbed while telling her what had occurred and asked her to call my parents the second they landed at the airport and to tell them what happened. She started to cry and told me not to worry.
We went to St. Marks hospital. When we arrived it looked dark and someone said something about the power being out. But soon enough I was in the ER and bright lights came and nurses surrounded me. Both my nurses were men. And one was gay. He could see and hear my distress, and told me with a smile that at least I was alive. And I knew he was right.
They cut off all my clothes and a Dr came and asked me a bunch of questions and did an exam. A neck brace was put on, and they wheeled me back to do x-rays and ct scans. It's a good thing I've had a ct scan before and know what it feels like when they inject dye into your bloodstream, because it makes you feel like you are reeeeeally warm down in your private area and that you just wet your pants.
As I was being taken back to my room, I saw my mom standing outside the door. "Hey you." she said. I was so grateful to see her and knew my dad and Erwin had to be near by. Nothing feels better than having family come to be with you in your time of need.
I waited with my parents and eventually Erwin showed up. The Rivas family had been called and drove far to come to our rescue. They immediately sprang into action and took complete control, which offered total comfort and peace of mind. They took the kids to Wal Mart to get them clothes, bottles, pajamas, food, car seats and then a lot of things for me, such as a shower chair and cast protector. They were angels that showed up in a white van, who didn't think for second of themselves the entire night.
My mom went to pick up the kids so they could spend a few nights with them, and Erwin and my dad stayed with me while I sat on my bed in hallway. (ER was busy that night) Erwin had quite a bit of blood on his face that was leaking from a gash right by his eye. Because he wasn't a patient, the nurses wouldn't do anything for him, but my ER Dr took compassion and cleaned Erwin up and put on a few butterfly stitches. I'm so grateful he did, since Erwin's scar will be much smaller now.
We found out that my leg had been broken into 2 places. It was a clean break, right through the tibia and fibula on the lower part of my leg. I needed surgery to repair the damage. That broke my heart to hear. It all still felt like a dream.
I remember looking at Erwin with huge tears in my eyes and whispering "I'm so sorry". He refused to let me say that by telling me that it wasn't my fault and I did the best I could to protect everyone. I still felt awful. What is there was more that I could have done? Why did this happen? My poor family.
As surreal and upsetting as the night was, I was overcome with gratitude that filled up my heart.
1. My kids were buckled, and they were buckled well. The harnesses were right were they needed to be, and they weren't out of their car seats for any reason.
2. Clara was rear facing. I feel SO strongly about this. I do NOT put my kids forward facing in the car until they are age 2 or older. It is much, much safer, and that night, the Dr told me that if Clara has been forward facing she might have suffered from severe whip lash or hurt her spine, even if buckled in well, because of her age, size and body.
3. Erwin was NOT buckled, but he was safe. Had he been sitting up front with me and not buckled, he would have gone through the windshield. But instead, he was sitting directly behind me and his body slammed into my seat, which actually helped him not go flying. Obviously a seat belt is the safest choice, but despite that, he was safe.
My family is safe. That is ALL that matters. I am overcome with emotion thinking about how easy it could have been to lose one of them, and how deeply grateful I am that the Lord truly had angels protecting us that night.
Yes, I broke my leg. And yes, it sucks and is one of the most difficult and trying thing I have ever been through in my entire life. But God is so good. God loves me. He loves my family. He is teaching me and preparing me to be better and ready to serve. He is walking along side me and the Atonement has never been more real to me. I am so grateful that the Savior knows what I am feeling--physical and emotionally, and that He will let me cry and come unto Him for hope and patience. He offers me peace, even when I am sinking into darkness.
Thank you to all who have prayed for us, served us, brought us meals, sent cards or flowers, reached out via cell or email, and for all who have loved us so much. We couldn't have gotten through the first few weeks without you all, and my heart if full.
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