My Hoku in the sky

February 6th, 2017

Happy due date, my little Hoku in the sky. 

I think about you almost every day, but this whole month is going to be especially hard for my tender heart. I know things happen for a reason, but I can't help but think about what could have been. I ache for you. I know I want more kids, but for now, I'm sad. Life would be changing greatly if you had stayed with us, and right now we would be a family of 5. A few days ago, while the rest of the house was sleeping, I let the painful tears fall while laying in my bed; trying to keep quite my cries that turned to sobs. I clutched my pillow extra tight and I allowed my heart to grieve and feel a kind of sorrow, that only a mother who has lost can truly understand. And yet, in that dark room, I felt a warmth of light comfort my soul, which I know was the Savior coming to me and letting me know that I am blessed. My baby is fine and waiting for me... and that eternal families are forever. God is so good. I keep reminders of you in a few rooms of the house, that only a few people know their significance. For me, it's healing to see you in our home, even in the simplest ways. Thank goodness the gospel takes away this deep sting of pain quite a bit, and I know I'll see you again someday in the amazing heavens. (don't you just love it there? I bet you do.)

For now, I am so grateful you are my little Hoku.

"At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt...we experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others... Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it."
                                  -Joseph B. Wirthlin