I finally called my new nurse practitioner today to make an appointment for myself. Now that summer is here, my mom is available to babysit most days and times-- and I realized I am ready to see to a Dr who can hopefully have some answers for me.
While on the phone giving my reasons for needing to be seen, it hit me like a heavy wave crashing down on my heart.
I lost my baby in July. My surgery was in August. It has been almost a FULL year since I miscarried.
One.whole.year. I hadn't realized it had been that long.
One year of sadness.
One year of what-could-have-beens.
One year of wishing it didn't happen.
One year of bleeding.
One year of trying to get pregnant.
With Wa'a it took me 6 months to get pregnant. With Clara, only 3.
Erwin and I have been trying since I miscarried and now we are quickly approaching the one year mark of no baby. That is when Dr's want you to go see a fertility specialist. That is when you wonder if something is wrong with you. That is when you wonder...can we have more kids?
I am a nervous.
I am scared.
I am desperate for answers to why my body is failing me.
I am yearning for more children.
We might only have our two. And I can't really complain, can I? They are wonderful and fulfill my life to the fullest.
But I do want more kids. I want a bigger family.
I guess we'll see.
While on the phone giving my reasons for needing to be seen, it hit me like a heavy wave crashing down on my heart.
I lost my baby in July. My surgery was in August. It has been almost a FULL year since I miscarried.
One.whole.year. I hadn't realized it had been that long.
One year of sadness.
One year of what-could-have-beens.
One year of wishing it didn't happen.
One year of bleeding.
One year of trying to get pregnant.
With Wa'a it took me 6 months to get pregnant. With Clara, only 3.
Erwin and I have been trying since I miscarried and now we are quickly approaching the one year mark of no baby. That is when Dr's want you to go see a fertility specialist. That is when you wonder if something is wrong with you. That is when you wonder...can we have more kids?
I am a nervous.
I am scared.
I am desperate for answers to why my body is failing me.
I am yearning for more children.
We might only have our two. And I can't really complain, can I? They are wonderful and fulfill my life to the fullest.
But I do want more kids. I want a bigger family.
I guess we'll see.
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